Wimbledon: The Confessions of Mardy Fish

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REFLECTIONS OF A BIG FISH FROM A BIG LONDON POND

Through much of his 12- year career, the vastly popular Mardy Fish had issues: motivation, work ethic, weight, playing in the shadows. Goodness, even his injuries had injuries.

But none of this could compare with what he’s gone through this year. Early in April, after losing in the Miami quarterfinals, he woke up with a racing heart. “It was pumping so hard,” he told the New York Times, “like out of my chest, beating so hard. If I were to just drop everything and just do a full sprint …. That’s how fast it was going.”

Time and again his heart would race.

He was afraid to sleep alone at night. He stepped away from Davis Cup play and the circuit. There were late-night trips to the hospital, tests, heart monitors and eventually, on May 23, a two-hour surgical procedure not far from his Beverly Hills home.

But Fish was loving the late career renaissance in his tennis life that had seen him rise well within the Top Ten. He’d been a Davis Cup leader (and hero) and the top-ranked American. So he came back. Won his first-round match at Wimbledon and then opened up on what he’d been through, his hopes and his fears. Here are some excerpts from his thoughtful interview after the first round.

Q. How are you feeling?

FISH: Much better.

Q. You’re an experienced pro. You’ve played tough matches in the mountains of Colombia, you broke your rib, there were tough losses. Can you compare the struggle and the strife of the tour with the far more significant travail that you suffered recently?

FISH: The toughest part is … getting your confidence back – trusting everything. When I don’t feel right now, I automatically go to the struggles I have had in the past couple months. That hopefully will change over time. It’s gotten better. But again in the past few months I have stayed home every day. I have felt comfortable. This is sort of out of my element.

So naturally I don’t feel as comfortable. I’m not sleeping in my own bed … The hardest part is just trusting that everything is fine, because it is, and everything structurally is fine.

Q. Your problems have been well documented. If I could ask, what does go through your mind when you go to sleep?

FISH: It’s just the confidence part. It’s really the only thing. It’s just me … convincing myself that everything is fine and that the doctors have given me the go‑ahead on everything.

During the day I don’t have any issues, just when I don’t feel perfect and don’t feel exactly the way I feel I should be, sometimes that’s when I get into a little bit of trouble. Over time I’ll feel better. That’s pretty candid, as well. I haven’t really had that type of conversation with very many people, but it’s getting better and better. Hopefully I’ll be back to normal in no time.

Q. On the court do you have the same worries?

FISH: I don’t, but I have only done it once. I haven’t in practice, but practice is much easier. You can dictate everything that goes on … If you don’t feel great, stop.

Q. When after … sprinting back and forth, your heart starts racing a little bit, do you think about it?

FISH: Yeah, I did do that. The more time I have to think about it is probably the worst time that I have. I don’t have that much time, and obviously you’re thinking about other things out there. So the more you keep your mind off it, the better. During the match I didn’t have any issues. There were some points where I was pretty winded.

Q. Seems like your life has been very eventful for a couple of years now. You get married, your whole transformation, suddenly this issue. Do you ever marvel at that?

FISH: The marriage has been good. The past few years have been amazing …I have done some things I have never done in my whole career … [but] this is by far the toughest thing … This past couple months have tested a lot of things. I have gone … [from] the good days … [to] missing the French Open to the bad days where I thought about not coming back or when was I going to come back. I was still in the Top Ten in the world, and that part was hard. It made it probably harder.

Q. What were the emotions like getting out on a court for your first match back?

FISH: They were easier than expected. I have said all along that this is perfect …. [being] on grass … it’s tailored to my game.

Q. You made a reference … [that] you thought you might not be back out there competing?

FISH: It was a lot of when am I going to come back. I remember a week and a half before the French Open thinking, well, I’m not even close right now. I’m still sleeping with this heart rate monitor. I hadn’t done the procedure yet. I didn’t even know that that was necessarily an option. There were definitely times – not necessarily, I’m done – but I don’t want to miss Wimbledon. I don’t want to miss the summer. So we have accelerated things quite a little bit.

Q. What strikes you most when you think of Andy Roddick back at Wimbledon with his history here?

FISH: I just can’t imagine how difficult it is for him to come back every year after that, after 2009. We haven’t talked about it much. We talk about a lot of things. We have never really talked about it, because I know how much he wanted to get that second Slam. I know how badly he wanted it to be here and how close he came. I can’t imagine how difficult it is for him to step on the court, and I’m sure he thinks about it a lot. He does an amazing job of redirecting the pressure that’s on him and the pressure that he puts on himself. His consistency – how well he’s done here and everywhere – speaks volumes … He doesn’t walk around the locker room cocky or anything, like he’s better and pissed off that his ranking is low and people don’t write good things about him anymore. He just goes about his business, and there’s a lot of guys in the locker room that respect that.

Q. In your toughest days recently when things were really rough, can you point to one or two situations of the guys sort of stepping up and being supportive?

FISH: Yeah, it’s hard. When you’re not at tournaments, when you’re not playing, you’re out of sight, out of mind – more in this sport than any other that I can think of.

I mean, I was still ranked 10 during the French Open, and I remember watching Isner playing and they were saying that he was ranked 10. I don’t care, but it’s amazing how if you’re not in the event or you just miss a couple of events, you’re just out of mind.