Of Armed Hippies and Wild Animals

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NOT) CORRECT: Andy Roddick tweeted, “I just texted the word ‘badass’ and it autocorrected it to Nagasaki.” Bob Bryan wrote, “I meant to send ‘xoxoxo’ to my wife and it autocorrected it to Codfish!”

BAD PLANNING, DUDE: Bob Bryan and his wife, Michelle, are due to have their first child, a girl, on the same day as the Aussie Open doubles final. Bryan revealed the obvious, telling us, “We weren’t planning.”

JUST FOLLOWING WIMBLEDON’S LEAD?: Wimbledon introduced equal prize money for men and women in ’07. Now Britain is tossing out their anachronistic law on succession to the throne. Now the oldest offspring — boy or girl — of the king or queen will now be the first in line for the throne.

HOW TIMES HAVE CHANGED: At his peak, Roger Federer was asked about those ranked just below him. He replied, “I guess Nadal is still No. 2. No. 3 doesn’t matter much, it’s No. 1 that matters. That’s how it goes.” But Roger is now ranked No. 4. Federer told a Swiss paper that he still hopes to return to No. 1. “In the long term, that’s one goal. But in the short term it’s no longer possible. This I must accept. Whether I’m No. 3 or 4 doesn’t matter. The crucial thing is that I stay in the top four. That makes it easier at Grand Slams. We are four equals. There can be very quick changes in the hierarchy. What’s clear is in men’s tennis in a season you have to get almost two Grand Slam titles to be No. 1. In the wome”s world rankings, you can become No. 1 without winning a major, which would be unthinkable for us. That’s not to sound disrespectful toward women — it’s simply a fact.”

IS THIS IS THE DAWNING OF THE AGE OF DJOKOVIC?: Of course, Fed’s “fall” led some to howl. Serbian Tennis Federation VP Radmilo Armenulic offered this unsparing dig: “I said this past summer Federer was out of motives and edging closer to retirement, so this should have been expected. The only thing that could keep him in the ATP Tour is his ambition to claim the Wimbledon once again. He always says he is still hungry for trophies, but he will never tell you he doesn’t have any motivation…[Now] Murray has won three tough tournaments in a row and if Nadal keeps playing the way he is playing, Murray will be Novak’s only true challenger next year…Nadal is mentally unfit and Federer will continue to play eye-catching tennis, but without much success…Novak’s era in tennis has begun, there is no doubt about it.”

SILENCE, PUH-LEEZ: Caroline Wozniacki took a stand against grunting, saying, “There are some players who do it on purpose. They don’t do it in practice…They could definitely cut it. If you grunt really loudly, your opponent cannot hear how you hit the ball…You think the ball is coming fast and suddenly the ball just goes slow. In tight moments, maybe the grunt helps them with getting less nervous. But notorious grunter Victoria Azarenka shot back, telling “anti-grunters” to “mind their own business.” The Belrusian added, “I’m the way that I play since I was eight…It’s become part of my movement and part of my game. So I cannot change it, and I’m not going to…You cannot stop people from doing what they do…It’s not [that] you’re trying to distract anybody. It’s just normal.” WTA chief Stacey Allaster said that grunting is part of tennis and will not be banned.

SAY IT ISN’T SO: Wozniacki who has been camping out at No. 1 for 55 weeks, finished the year without reaching a Slam final and didn’t make the semis at the year-end WTA Championships. Mats Wilander said, “We know she can win small tournaments, what we don’t know is if mentally she can win the big ones. We know Wozniacki has the head to be consistent but we don’t know if she’s got the head to wrap her thoughts around winning a Grand Slam.” Wilander also theorized that Wozniacki does better at WTA tournaments because she can receive on-court coaching from her dad, Piotr.

PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Wozniacki became the first player to hold the No. 1 ranking for 51 of the 52 weeks for the calendar year since Steffi Graf in ’96, but she only reached two Slam semis. So you really have to give the nod to Petra Kvitova, who won Wimbledon, the WTA Championships and four other titles.

MIKE’S MYSTERY FINE: Mike Bryan, one of the nicest guys in the game, was fined $10,000 (Yes, that’s five times as much as Serena) at the U.S. Open for a still mysterious incident after his first-round loss. “What was that all about?” we asked. Mike replied, “I wish I could say. It’s under appeal…Obviously, I’m a little shocked. We were signing autographs and we were walking off the court. It was a post-match verbal exchange with an umpire. We wondered: “It must have been something big” and Mike replied, “It was a shocking amount. That’s why I appealed. I’ll let you know when I find out.”

SAM ON SERENA: Stosur reflected on Serena’s meltdown during the U.S. Open final, telling The Guardian, “I tried to stay cool, but it’s not easy when 20,000 people are staring down…and when the two other people…are involved in such a tense exchange.” Was she shocked by the venomous words aimed at the chair ump? “Yeah. You don’t expect anyone to say that to an umpire. I certainly wouldn’t want to be on the other end of it.”

GO FIGURE: Kirk Kerkorin, a Las Vegas gaming pioneer and friend of Andre Agassi, gave $18 million to the Agassi Academy as part of the its annual fundraiser, which raised an astounding $26.1 million…The 75,000 seats available for the upcoming Davis Cup tie in Seville, between Spain and Argentina, reportedly sold out in one hour…Novak Djokovic practiced with Federer in Basel, Switzerland…Todd Martin used a wood racket to win a senior tournament in Minneapolis…Pakistan will host a Davis Cup tie (against Lebanon) for the first time since ’05.

KEY STATS: In Moneyball, the biopic on baseball whiz Billy Beane, new computer generated stats in general, and on-base percentage in particular, play a key role. When IT asked stats sage Greg Sharko about the most important stats in tennis, he replied that Second Serve Points Won gives a good indication of how well a player does after missing his first serve (Federer has led the way five of the last nine years); Return Games Won is another important indicator (since ’01, only one player outside the top 10 led this category); and Break Points Saved is a key. Usually the big servers lead this category but last year Rafael Nadal led the pack.

PLAYERS UNION — MORE ABOUT A VOICE THAN THE MONEY: Since the U.S. Open, tennis has been simmering with controversies. There were complaints that officials were only concerned with money and the players 12 percent share of the revenues wasn’t enough. There were fleeting talks about the possibility of a strike by the men, questions as to whether the lower ranked players had the same concerns as the top stars, ongoing complaints about the ATP and Davis Cup schedules, upset over the changing balls that are used on tour, and debate over the naming of a new ATP CEO to replace Adam Helfant. As for a union, Roddick said, “If we are going to do something, it’s going to be thoroughly thought out and it’s not going to happen tomorrow. But it’s certainly a conversation at this point…We’re not sure what we’d do. Whether it means a stoppage for a major tournament, that’s something we’ve got to talk about…It’s more about a voice and not about dollars so much.”

ROOF ENVY: The Aussie Open has two courts with roofs and more may be coming. Wimbledon’s Centre Court has one of Europe’s most famous ceilings north of the Sistine Chapel and Court One may get a roof, too. In a few years, Roland Garros’ Court Centrale will boast a top. As for the U.S. Open, it’s suffered four straight years of postponed finals. U.S. Open officials could care less about whether that is some kind of indication of climate change. Rather they’re considering permanently playing the final on Monday. The players have already bristled at that idea. As for a roof, there are huge problems putting a ceiling on the vast Ashe stadium, which is built on fill on a site that was once a swamp. The cost of a roof is estimated to be in the $150-200 million range. There’s already talk of replacing the highly mortgaged, 14-year-old Ashe Stadium in 15 years. Another idea is, in three to five years, to replace the Louis Armstrong and Grandstand show courts with a 12,000-seat roofed stadium. The move, which would entail pile-ons and serious structural supports, but would meet the broadcasting demands of the Open’s media partners.

OF GUYS AND DOLLS:

•Federer says his twin daughters have picked up a racket a few times, but aren’t quite ready for the pros. “They try hard,” said Roger. “But they get discouraged after 30 seconds. They just pick up their dolls.”

•There’s another surging Serb, Janko Tipsarevic, who has now cracked the top 10. When talking about his focus on gaining in the rankings, Tipsarevic said, “When I was a baby, I take a doll, and until I break it I don’t want a new one. I’m just now focused.”

NOW THAT WE’RE IN THE HEART OF THE FOOTBALL SEASON…:

•Some observers claim they saw it coming when the dynamic former WTA executive Larry Scott became the leader of what was then the Pac-10. Scott’s move for realignment has shaken up collegiate sports. Beyond that, some wonder whether the move now to pay college athletes who bring in millions is reminiscent of the long struggle to create Open tennis, which finally allowed tennis players to get paid.

•As for the NFL, Miami Dolphins minority owners Serena and Venus Williams can’t be happy with the results of her hapless team.

•Our favorite tennis-related football quote comes from Lou Holtz, who said, “I didn’t realize how fast [former Heisman Trophy winner] Rocket Ismail was until I saw him playing tennis with himself.”

THE BEST MINOR LEAGUE BALL EVER?: Were the Challenger draws in Sacramento and Tiburon California, which featured the likes of Ivo Karlovic, James Blake, Sam Querrey and Ryan Sweeting — the best ever on the USTA Pro Circuit?

TOTAL-LI LOST: French Open sizzle girl Li Na is yet another WTA luminary who’s soared to the top only to struggle. The popular star, who has the considerable weight of Chinese fans on her shoulders, confessed that she’s lacking “mental toughness,” adding, “I have just lost all confidence. On the court, I don’t know what I can do.”

CHILL OUT AND HAVE A LONGER CAREER: Former No. 1 Jim Courier told Roddick, 29, he should not repeat his mistake and “run himself into the ground. I overworked myself and I was done by 27, 28.” Courier said Andy needed to “pull back a little bit. You’re not going to forget how to play tennis overnight. As opposed to doing workouts four times a day, maybe cut it back a little bit.”

COMEBACKS: Venus should be back playing exos in December and Kim Clijsters says she’ll play again in ’12.

ROGER ON TIGER: Federer, who is in close touch with his pal Tiger Woods, weighed in on the tribulations of his pal. “It’s very unfortunate,” said Roger. “He’s not very happy, but he hopes to be back. I wish the same, because I follow golf much more when he’s around…He’s done so much for such a long time, which is where I also draw inspiration…I’ve been able to do something similar…and can talk about that very comfortably. But it’s been tough for him…He knows that. It’s been hard to watch.”

DOKIC RECONCILIATION: The most tumultuous family in tennis – is back in the news. Veteran Jelena Dokic, ranked No. 66, has reconciled with her problematic father and former coach, Damir, after an eight-year rift that stemmed from years of humiliation and abuse, as well as a series of embarrassing public indiscretions.

RODDICK DEFENDS U.S. TENNIS: Roddick denied assertions that U.S. tennis has taken a hit because an American-born man hasn’t won a Slam singles title since he captured the ’03 U.S. Open. Andy said, “Let’s go by participation numbers, retail numbers, prize money – up, up, up, up, up. I hear this, ‘Tennis is dying.’ Maybe it’s water cooler talk. But I’ll put more stock in the business of tennis in our country growing as opposed to having fun conversations around a water cooler…If you look at racket sales, USTA memberships, across the board, it’s been up. Do we have four guys in the top five in the world? No. That’s about the only difference. That doesn’t mean that tennis is dying…People refuse to accept that it’s as international a sport as there is.”

DON’T FENCE ME IN: Maria Kirilenko’s fans at the China Open were so enthusiastic that they broke down the fence surrounding the court.

NAMED: Stan Smith as President of the International Tennis Hall of Fame…Serena Williams as a UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador.

KEN MEYERSON DIES AT 48: Ken Meyerson, Roddick’s longtime agent, died in his sleep on Oct. 19 of an apparent heart attack. Meyerson, the president of Lagardere Unlimited tennis division, also represented Justine Henin, Fernando Gonzalez, Gael Monfils and Agnieszka Radwanska. Roddick tweeted: “I love you and miss you. I will be forever grateful for your faith & loyalty, You will forever be my brother. As always ‘thanks Meyerson.'”

DJOKOVIC SPIN: The tennis world is still in amazement about Novak Djokovic. While Nole’s countryman Vladimir Obradovic, who as a kid played with him in a Belgrade pool, said, “He’s helped clean up the image of Serbia, the way we are viewed,” Rafa’s uncle Toni Nadal had a different take, candidly conceding, “There have been too many losses to [Djokovic] and it is true that Rafael has become nervous during their recent matches…Djokovic is superior to the rest. I hope it doesn’t last forever.” Former No. 1 player Mats Wilander said,”I would find it very difficult to know how to play Djokovic. You just grind him down, somehow. But how do you grind him down. It has to be a mental battle. He’s just such a neutralizer in all his shots. He’s not necessarily as good as Federer and Nadal on defense, but he doesn’t really put himself on the defensive much. He’s not as crafty as Nadal and Federer, but he’s quicker, so he doesn’t have to be crafty.” The Bryan Bros. reflected on Novak’s monster, match point down forehand return of serve winner in the U.S. Open final. “He kind of, in a weird way, conceded the match at 40-15. That was almost a flail. That’s a shot you hit when you’re down and you’ve got nothing to lose. It was a Hail Mary. He wasn’t lucky, because he’s put in the hard work. He can make those nine out of ten times. To hit in on the line that hard – that’s geometrically almost impossible. Mentally, his head was a little scrambled and he just went for broke, not caring. Then he somehow turned it around. I don’t think his year will ever be done again, this type of consistency against these types of players. He’s beaten Nadal six times, Federer four.” It can be considered the best year of all time. He can still finish strong…He doesn’t get tired. He moves better than Nadal now. He doesn’t have any holes. And he’s had a lot of luck. You need a lot of luck, too. With that forehand in Miami, he beat Nadal 7-6 in the third. The Murray match in Rome was big. Murray served for it. Everything’s gone right. His serve has gotten a lot better and The Davis Cup win [in 2010] released a lot of pressure for him. He felt he won for his country.

POLITICAL POTPOURRI: We knew diehard White Sox fan Barack Obama was deep into sports. While campaigning for the presidency, he drained a couple of three-pointers, and his brother-in-law, Greg Robinson, is the Oregon State hoops coach. Yeah, he suffered a disastrous gutter-ball while bowling during an ’08 campaign stop in Pennsylvania. But he’s had some fabulous March Madness brackets. (Although former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich tweeted that the country needed “a commander in chief not a spectator in chief,” insisting Obama was “hiding from his job behind NCAA picks.”) Anyway, like George Bush before him, Obama enjoys golf. The President’s daughters took tennis lessons over the summer and Michelle Obama now openly complains that her husband beats her in tennis. She showed up at a Washington Kastles World TeamTennis match featuring Serena Williams; filmed a public-service announcement for Let’s Move! in conjunction with the USTA and its 10 and under Tennis program, and showed up at the U.S. Open, where she bravely hit a 55 mph serve. On the other side of political divide, Republicans are very much keeping up. Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman recently held fundraiser at the Toluca Lake TC in L.A. Candidate Rick Santorum is an avid player and his brother Dan has long been a fixture in the game as both the head of the PTR and a USTA mega-volunteerer who, among other things, chaired the powerful Nominating Committee. Rick Perry has links to his fellow Texan Andy Roddick, having appeared at assorted fundraisers. At one ’05 Roddick event, Perry said “Andy may not be a native Texan, but you would never know it by watching him…His serve is as big as Dallas, and he plays with a heart that matches. We’re proud that Andy has adopted Texas as his home state, and not just because he is a champion in the sports world, but because he is a champion in the real world and a role model our children can look up to.” Not so happily, in the ’04 Presidential primaries, right after Mitt Romney was critical of immigration policies, reporters went to his Winnipesaukee New Hampshire estate and discovered immigrants working on his tennis court. As for Newt Gingrich, the former House Speaker once told IT, “Tennis is an American game. It’s competitive. Anyone can win. It may be a little more Republican because there’s no distribution. Tennis doesn’t have any kind of system of giving you extra points, so it actually requires merit.” BTW: Roger Federer received 132 votes for the Swiss senate even though he wasn’t on the ballot…Retirees Marat Safin and Anna Chekvetadze are running for seats in the Russian Parliament. Safin said, “I could be the best looking guy in the Duma, but that’s because all the other guys are over 60.”