A VERY STRANGE CREATURE INDEED: Radio Wimbledon suggested, “In order to overhear what your doubles opponents are whispering during their hushed discussions, you’d have to have the eyesight of a hawk and the hearing of a bat, which would make for a very strange creature indeed.”
GIVING NEW MEANING TO THE PHRASE HAWK-EYE: According to experts, Wimbledon “is a brilliant place for pigeons. One could not design a better pigeon loft, with all the girders and all the high-quality grass seed they put out.” But when players complained that the birds, who qualify as protected animals, were a bother and Rufus the hawk proved not much a deterrent (since, rather than flying around menacingly, he just snoozed on the roof) officials brought in a sharp shooter to do his thing. Animal rights protectors immediately cried foul and asked officials to “order an immediate halt to this cruel and illegal behavior.”
ONCE IS ENOUGH: After noting that a bee was bothering her on Centre Court, Venus asked if they sting. A reporter responded: “Only once.”
FOOD FOR THOUGHT: While trying to explain the existential difficulties of Elena Dementieva’s serve, the Guardian’s Steve Bierley claimed, “It’s like the struggle one has to scrape the skin off one’s rice pudding”…The Independent asked people waiting in the Wimby queue, “If the All England Club served a pigeon that has been slaughtered at The Championships, would you eat it, if it was prepared nicely, perhaps in a tasty risotto?”…Before the final, Serena Williams teased, “I’m going to sabotage Venus and eat all her breakfast”…Marat Safin, who once complained about the $25 cost of a plate of pasta at Wimbledon, claimed that pros don’t play for money and then explained: “One million more, one million less doesn’t really make a difference.”
‘TIS A MENTAL GAME: Samantha Smith said that watching Elena Dementieva “makes you think of the three Ts — traumatic, tortuous and tiring”…For entertainment, Vania King says she talks to herself and random objects…Mark Oakley, the first person on the Wimbledon queue admitted he was “clinically insane”…After first-round upset victim Novak Djokovic said he was “mentally tired,” his countryman Janko Tipsarevic claimed that only a few other players have risen so fast, that his fellow Serb is almost always the favorite and in the past two years has only lost in Slams to Fed and Nadal.
WHEN IN DOUBT, SQUASH SPONTANEITY, STOP TAKING CHANCES AND, AT ALL COSTS, DO NOT ROCK THE BOAT: After a few top names in the game got way too sensitive, Novak Djokovic was convinced to stop doing his hilarious imitations that so many found delightful. Bethanie Mattek decided to take a break from her over-the-top/push-the-envelope outfits, and Alla Kudryavtseva — who emerged as a shoot-from-the-hip voice — was immediately read the riot act by her coach and told to mute her fresh and free voice. Can you hear the sound of personality being sucked out of the game?
YOU CAN’T TAPER OFF TO A CLIMAX: As part of her preview of the mixed doubles final, radio broadcaster Eleanor Preston said that the singles competition is “tapering into a climax, [but] you can’t really taper into a climax, which is really why I should be unemployed.”
AIN’T THAT THE TRUTH: One of the truisms of modern tennis is that the biggest opponent of Marat Safin has always been Marat Safin…When asked how it is for players to come back on tour after becoming a parent, Lindsay Davenport noted, “It’s probably easier for a guy to come back after having a child.”
I AM THE LEG MAN — GOO GOO G’JOOB: British broadcaster Sir Terry Wogan claimed that at Wimbledon “the great tragedy was the exit of Sharapova. The glamour has left. Then again, I’m a leg man” …Asked by IT to choose one attribute or characteristic of her sister Venus that stood out, Serena quipped, “Her legs.” Venus said she would like Serena’s “joy for life.”
LOVE IS IN THE AIR: Simon Barnes noted, “Those Williams girls are the most remarkable pair in the history of tennis. We have known them as child prodigies, we have known them as youthful champions, we have known them as supreme champions at their absolute peak. And now they are giving us something new: they are giving us longevity. If things go on much longer, people will start to love them.”
THE ONLY MS. UNIVERSE JUDGE TO HAVE LED BORG AT WIMBY, HAVE A WIN OVER MAC AND HAVE HELPED OO7 TO SUBDUE OCTOPUSSY: Vijay Amritaj.
SAY IT ISN’T SO: A leading French pundit said, “The woman’s top 10 is the weakest of the post-Chris Evert era”…Radio Wimbledon reported, “Venus is out there on the practice courts having a knock-up.”
VOICE OF THE PEOPLE: In an arena in which “Come on, Tim” became a heartfelt, if unimaginative mantra, fans this year stepped up with some inventive cries: “Use the force, Serena!” “That’s what I’m talking about!” and “C’mon, everybody.”
FASHION FORUM: As the headlines read “Sorry, Ladies, the Fashion Circuit is Wearing Thin,” one sensed that maybe the (just-trying-too-hard) effort to shove stylish, cutesy and thematic fashion into the game may have gone a tad far. Federer comes out in a retro cardigan, which Roddick dissed as “Mr. Rogers.” Serena enters wearing a snazzy white raincoat. Then there was Sharapova’s tuxedo offering, with its sheer bodice and stylish shorts, which, like her red bejeweled U.S. Open outfit last year, was out of sight before we could grow to love it. “It was very pleasant to beat Maria,” said Alla Kudryavtseva. “I don’t like her outfit…It was one of the motivations to beat her. It’s a little too much of everything…I don’t know her well…No one on the tour knows her well, because she’s not a very talkative girl and not very outgoing.”
NOT TO WORRY — KEEPING YOUR EYE ON THE BALL IS AN ACQURIED CRAFT: Lindsay Davenport reported that her one-year-old son Jagger, who loves to hang out at her practices, “always holds a racket and…[is] trying to follow the ball, but he’s always two shots too late.”
IF THIS IS TUESDAY, THIS MUST BE DUMBO: If you plan to travel the circuit with a toddler, bypass the hassle of lugging all those toys and do as Davenport does and buy new toys at each city and when you leave town, donate them to charity.
SPEAKING OF TRAVEL TIPS…: After hearing that Rafa travels Europe on discount airlines, Boris Becker said, “Give him a year and he’s going to realize that a private jet is much more convenient.”
YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN ENGLAND WHEN…: Choking is referred to as “loss of concentration”…The local paper asks whether Nepali Gurkhas are in charge of Car Park 4 because they are said to have “courage, loyalty, self-sufficiency, physical strength, resilience, orderliness, the ability to work hard for long periods, fighting tenacity and military strategy”…Wheelchair dubs matches are on TV.
‘THE CULT OF MAN AND SUPERMAN’: While reflecting on Britain’s supposedly too-tolerant ‘tude toward losers, Michael Henderson asked, “Where would we be if the only thing that mattered in life was strength and the vanquished were to be named and shamed for their supposed weakness? Better to tolerate ‘losers’ than glorify the cult of Man and Superman.”
THE PLUCKY OL’ ISLAND THAT SURVIVED THE LUFTWAFFE, THE IRA, AL-QUEDA AND THE BEST PLAYER OF SCOTTISH HERITAGE SINCE DON BUDGE: The centuries-old enmity between England and Scotland still lingers. And Scot Andy Murray only fanned long-simmering embers when he said that, when it came to soccer, he would root for “anyone but England.” According to his biographer, Sue Mott, Murray is “either a fresh gust of Scottish air… [or] he is a slouchy, surly, anti-English ingrate with ugly, aggressive habits and a mum who wore ‘crumpled denim’ in the hallowed setting of the world’s most famous court.” A few, like Tony Parsons, go much further claiming, “If the English can survive the attentions of the Luftwaffe, the IRA and Al-Qaeda, then I quite fancy our chances against Murray.” But Mott assures us Andy is not so menacing: “He loathes smoking, hates partying, refuses to touch alcohol (after trying it once and throwing up outside a Barcelona nightclub) and has been settled with girlfriend Kim Sears for three years. He is positively puritanical.”
CARLIN LET US SKATE?: We’re pretty sure the late comic George Carlin let tennis skate. But he was brutal on golf, calling it a meaningless, mindless waste of time which is “played by men in orange pants or plaid knickers with their precious little carts who go about hitting a little ball with a crooked stick and then they walk after and do it again.” Ouch.
FREAK FACT: Nick Bollettieri contended, “The rise of Serbia as a powerhouse tennis nation is a freak. There is no logic to it, nor rational explanation, no coherent program that was put in place to produce fine young players…It’s a freak, a geographical accident of tale, a cyclical swing that has led to a group of players emerging simultaneously.”
SORRY, DUDE, THAT JUST DOESN’T PASS THE SMELL TEST: Nikolay Davydenko told IT that the gambling scandal that has shadowed his career happened because the small tournament where all the betting occurred was in Poland near his native Russia, and because, while sitting on Center Court, he told his wife, “I don’t want to play or I can retire…It may be my mistake because I need to be quiet…I only need to do my job.”
OPEN WARFARE: Beleaguered ATP boss Etienne de Villiers contended that he was hired to introduce change. “In every other industry in the world, you test things, you experiment. Unless you are prepared to fail, you never get to the next level. [But] this is a very conservative sport.” He added, “You have to understand where the players are coming from and what they need…but they don’t necessarily have the perspective that a governing body has. You have to look beyond their career in order to look to where the sport should go — and therein lies the rub.” But, according to one source close to de Villiers, “The problem for him is the ATP is a union of multi-millionaire 19-25-year-old kids and they don’t want to take orders from a former Disney executive. I couldn’t really argue if you call it open warfare.”
SIZZLING STATS: Roger Federer has reached a record 17 straight Slam semis and had not lost at Wimbledon in 2,203 days…Since ‘01, 17 different Russian women have reached the Round of 16 at Slams…Fed has been No. 1 for 232 weeks. Rafael Nadal has been No. 2 for 54 weeks…The Williamses have won seven of the last nine Wimbledons…Serena won only two of 13 breakpoint chances against Venus… Jie Zheng was the first Chinese woman to reach a Slam semi…This year’s Wimby was the first time in the Open era that the top three women’s seeds failed to reach the quarters… Venus hit a record 129-mph serve in the final, but it wasn’t an ace… Roddick blasted 27 aces, but still lost…Safin broke 48 rackets in ‘99…The Rainer Schuettler-Arnaud Clement five-hour, 12-minute quarterfinal tied for the second longest match in Wimby history…Only three of Wimbledon’s 61 junior girls champions went on to win a slam title.
BACK TO BACK: Tiger’s five-day triumph in golf’s U.S. Open and Rafa’s five-set Wimby victory were the best back-to-back wins in the history of country club sports…This year was the first time in the Open era that two men — Fed and Rafa — have met in three successive finals at two successive Slams…This is the first year that a guy has won the French and Wimby back to back since Borg in ‘80…Rafa’s forehand pass down the line and Federer’s on the run, near desperate backhand winner to save a championship point were arguably the best back-to-back points in Slam history.
BREAKOUT PLAYERS: China’s Jie Zheng and junior champ Laura Robson.
MIXED MASTERS: The headline read: Bryans in Wimbledon Dubs Final. Of course it wasn’t exactly what the American wonder boys, Bob and Mike, had in mind for their fourth appearance in a Wimbledon final. Instead, Bob and his partner Samantha Storur beat Mike and his partner Katarina Srebotnik to claim the mixed doubles title.
SHE’S GOT A POINT: Venus said her dad Richard was the man “who changed women’s tennis. We were just the students.”
THE KISS OF GOD: An incredible, mother of all let-chords at crunch time dribbled along the net for a couple of agonizing seconds, before it dropped over, enabling Ana Ivanovic to save match point. The Serbian said, “Someone upstairs made the ball roll over…I felt time had stopped. So many thoughts pass through your head.”
A TALE OF TWO PLAYERS: It sometimes seems that Roger is hardly trying, while Rafa is just the opposite… Nadal is so fierce on court and so gentle off court.
NOT SO FAST: After Federer promptly collected the first 11 points of his opening match, some wondered whether he would become the first to win an entire tournament without losing a single point…After Roger won his 12th Slam – the U.S. Open in September – the conventional wisdom was that it was just a matter of time before he tied Sampras’ record of 14. Now…
NOTES FROM DEEP WITHIN THE LOCKER ROOM: Sampras revealed that he never showered in the locker room after he “had seen a French player relieving himself” there… Tim Henman accused Czech players of being the smelliest in the Wimbledon dressing room, alleging, “The Czechs are a bit niffy.” The Czech ambassador in London responded, “What a surprise that Henman should have had the time…to do so much research into the smell of the male body.”
NOT EXACTLY BOOK WORMS: Pete Sampras, the new author, confessed that he’s “only read a handful of books” in his life, but is partial to J.D. Salinger’s Catcher in the Rye. Similarly, Novak Djokovic said, “[Andy Murray] told me he’s not a book reader so I’m very surprised he wrote a book…He doesn’t read a book but he writes a book.” BTW: Anna Kournikova is reading Eat, Pray, Love.
DEATH OF THE PHIOLOSOPHER KING: Last year Janko (“Beauty Will Save the World”) Tipsarevic told IT of his love of probing philosophical tomes. But now he confesses, “Some of the books I was reading were depressing. I’m not saying I’m a better player because I stopped reading; it’s just that I’m taking a break…I had a problem dividing the things I was reading with the real world we’re living in…you compare this world of psychology and philosophy and the thinking Nadal has when he’s down 6-1, 6-2, 5-2, 15-love and he makes a winner and still believes he can win, it’s a little bit different.”
WIMBY TV RATINGS UP GLOBALLY: NBC’s Wimby men’s final ratings went up 46%, while ESPN’s increased by 24%. In the UK, 13.1 million viewers watched the men’s final. Supposedly, 100 million Chinese watched Jie Zheng’s semi.
USTA RACKET ABUSE?: The London Times reported that former USTA President Franklin Johnson “was seen bounding across the players’ lawn brandishing a racket…One wondered if he was about to try to right the wrongs of this, the most depressing Wimbledon for American men in 40 years, or take the implement to the backsides of his underachieving compatriots.”
FEEL GOOD STORY: Chris Eaton, an unknown No. 661-ranked Brit who strings his own rackets and keeps his car going with duct tape, won a match.
